Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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