It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize