she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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