Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
