The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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