omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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