i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
