it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
