think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
