someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Boobs speak an international language.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Randomize
