Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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