I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
