Define "chronic" masturbator.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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