I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
