I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
