dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
