My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
