Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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