My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
