doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
