Whod you bang
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
