I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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