i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize