A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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