they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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