Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You can't motorboat a personality
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize