After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
