took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize