i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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