i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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