your room smells of hookers.
And success
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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