and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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