Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
