I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
two words: eviction party
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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