bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
