I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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