If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
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