It's like God shit irony all over that family
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
