i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
