My first STD was from a foam party
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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