i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize