can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
