Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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