Ambien. No doubt about it.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
