did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
