at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize