remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
