Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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