Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
