Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
