I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
