Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
