1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
