Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I enjoy the company of your penis
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