I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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