If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize