is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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