Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
