I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
