Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
