Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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