I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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