If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
