Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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